Gif by: @jakobdahlin
This is a fact! If you go to any fabulou$ restaurant in the Upper East Side and complain about anything - I mean A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G, they will probably give you the attention you deserve. But if your intention is to take advantage, you have got to play the Upper East Side games: "Excuse me! I told you my fish is salty and you act like I'm lying? Now I'm offended. Just give me the check. I'm leaving. I have never been treated so badly in my entire life!"
The "I'm offended" passive aggressive drama always works...
...And believe me, in 99% of the time they will give you thousands of apologies and you won't pay a single dime for the whole check. Not to mention you will leave the place with a business card and an invitation from the general manager to come back for free drinks because they fear a bad Yelp review. They know a statement from a "VIP" guest can decimate their business and put uncountable jobs in risk. Word-of-mouth and reputation are worth their weight in gold in New York City. That's how rich people feed their ego - and their pockets.
This is Brian's story. He is the “king” of the Upper East Side, but he is also a schemer who either plays the victim himself or piggy-backs off others.
This is Brian's story. He is the “king” of the Upper East Side, but he is also a schemer who either plays the victim himself or piggy-backs off others.
*****************
Rich hot guys run the Upper East Side (or at least the gay part of it). Immersed in an “Insta-grammed” world, these moneyed, muscle Maries spend half of their time going to the gym, shopping on 5th Ave., gossiping about others and posting pictures/videos in their daily attempt at viral fame.
Trendy Brian has been trending for the past two years. With over 1 million followers he can dictate fashion trends. He decides which are the best restaurants, the best destinations for travel, the new must-see partes… the rest of the world just watches, learns and follows his tips if they can. But in the typical “mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all” style, a new guy from Soho with a profile name @alexanderthegreat has just surpassed his number of followers, and it seems like Brian’s kingdom was about to fall apart. So, he decided to call his bff, Harry.
- Have you seen his profile?
- What? 1.1 M? How come? Well, let’s face it--Alexander looks really ‘Great’ in this picture and what a body… What has he been taking?
- I can’t believe you’re saying this...focus! You are not being helpful.
- Why you are so obsessed about Alex? There are other guys in New York City with a million followers.
- It’s different, you can’t compare. The other guys are just shitty people with thirsty pictures, not to mention escorts. Alex is the new rich and he is taking the lead now. And, before you forget we are in the same boat, we are the old money. I need you to use your magical connections to fix this. I have a plan.
- Last time you came to me with one of your plans, you put me in a bad situation.
- What you mean by ‘bad situation’ is that bitch you were seeing was interested in your money. I saved your ass... you’re welcome.
- Fine. My driver or yours? OK, so I’ll have Amir pick you up in an hour. Let’s have a drink at that cool place they opened on Lexington so you can also take some pictures and post.
After rounds and rounds of Manhattans, they decided to invite all Menhattans from the Upper East Side to a dinner party at Jean George to launch the new collection from GlamMoore:
Brian, all set. I already sent all the invitations with a package on the side. All guests will be wearing our clothes - except for Alexander and his name won’t be on the list either. So, make sure you will have the press outside to register everything. It will be a blast!
I sent a text to Robert from Page Six and also to Jimmy, the PR from the Kardashians.
2 WEEKS LATER
The best restaurant in the Big Apple was impeccably tidy and ready to receive the crème de la crème. The Chef prepared a special menu for the occasion and the service would be provided by a team of 4 people for each guest (most of them gay influencers: stylists, actors, singers, professional models, bloggers, writers), all of them submissive to the power of the king... Brian.
At seven o’clock sharp there was a noticeable line of cars dropping people off on the red carpet in front of the Mark Hotel. One by one the guests entered with their impressive GlamMoore outfit and headed to the left side where there was open bar service before the most expected dinner of the year. Alexander gave his Instagram profile and as predicted no one could find his name. Then, he asked for another person to help him, then another and… nothing. In a couple of minutes there was already a crowd around him giving him bad looks, whispering he was trying to crash the party and recording the scene to feed their
stories and their envy.
Brian - pretending to act naturally - showed up holding a clipboard with a staff list asking if he was part of the catering company since he was wearing a black shirt. Alexander smiled back with sarcasm saying: “Come on, dude! You invited me for this shit, this is ridiculous.”
Oh, Alexander, right? You look so different in person, unrecognizable I would say. Anyways, our PR analyzed all the profiles and they removed from the list those who supposedly buy followers. The reason for this party is to bring together all the real influencers. My apologies, I know this is quite embarrassing. Also you should be wearing one of the Glam pieces, so unfortunately I can’t let you…
Before Brian completed the sentence many photographers were coming closer and one journalist stepped ahead: “Hi Alexander, could you tell us a little bit about this cause you have been supporting?”
You could feel his shock from the expression on Brian’s face. At that moment, Harry appeared behind him, pulling his arm and asking for a word:
Really? He is supporting the HIV program? Fucking bitch plays dirty. We are powerless now, we can’t prevent him from getting into the party. It could destroy the image of my business. Thanks to you, he became the biggest attraction of the night. Someone probably told him about the clothes so he showed up with a better plan.
Nice try, but don’t worry, Harry. I got this. Let’s go to the second part of the plan: G.
Seriously? G in his drink? You are so original! I’m out though. Just promise me you are not going to ruin the night. This is my brand’s reputation and my parents will be here soon.
From the moment Alexander The Great came to the party with that shirt he has declared war, and since Harry stepped out of the battle, the king of the Upper East Side would fight by himself. But Brian still had the advantage--those were his friends, that was his environment, his territory, his land…
… therefore he bribed one of the servers to mess with Alex’s dinner. Starting with his seat at the table, all the silverware was in the wrong order (the new rich don’t know etiquette), so he would be lost and ashamed. Uncomfortable situations are the best tactic if you want to destroy someone’s popularity. Secondly, the food would be exaggeratedly spicy making him return the plate (how dare a Soho guy complain about Jean George?). In addition his soft drinks would be served with two doses of Ghb, enough for him to be super horny and make a scene. The last part of the plan was even more outrageous: once he would be high Brian would seduce him discreetly until Alexander would come closer then he would push him away - reject him right in front of the photographers - in front of everyone.
Unfortunately the plan again backfired.
Five minutes at the round large table was enough for Alex to steal the scene. All the guests were enjoying his company and laughing at his jokes, including Harry. Brian was getting a deep rage burning inside but he needed to act nice in order to move forward with his scheme. Occasionally he was kicking Harry’s feet under the table to make him stop laughing like a hyena trying to get attention.
Alexander definitely had charisma, among other qualities. The person next to him noticed his silverware was inverted and assisted him right away; when the spicy food came out and he was about to eat Rose Moore, Harry’s mother, popped up with a fake rich people’s smile greeting: “What a delightful table. Thank you so much for coming. All of you look fabulous and charming wearing the Glam’s new collection. Don’t forget to post, tag and hashtag. Well, I’m gonna save my voice for the speech later, my throat is dried. What is this? Sorry, can I steal your drink?”
Mom no! Screamed, Harry.
She took Alexander’s glass from the table and drunk everything in one sip:
What darling?
- Last time you came to me with one of your plans, you put me in a bad situation.
- What you mean by ‘bad situation’ is that bitch you were seeing was interested in your money. I saved your ass... you’re welcome.
- Fine. My driver or yours? OK, so I’ll have Amir pick you up in an hour. Let’s have a drink at that cool place they opened on Lexington so you can also take some pictures and post.
After rounds and rounds of Manhattans, they decided to invite all Menhattans from the Upper East Side to a dinner party at Jean George to launch the new collection from GlamMoore:
Brian, all set. I already sent all the invitations with a package on the side. All guests will be wearing our clothes - except for Alexander and his name won’t be on the list either. So, make sure you will have the press outside to register everything. It will be a blast!
I sent a text to Robert from Page Six and also to Jimmy, the PR from the Kardashians.
2 WEEKS LATER
The best restaurant in the Big Apple was impeccably tidy and ready to receive the crème de la crème. The Chef prepared a special menu for the occasion and the service would be provided by a team of 4 people for each guest (most of them gay influencers: stylists, actors, singers, professional models, bloggers, writers), all of them submissive to the power of the king... Brian.
At seven o’clock sharp there was a noticeable line of cars dropping people off on the red carpet in front of the Mark Hotel. One by one the guests entered with their impressive GlamMoore outfit and headed to the left side where there was open bar service before the most expected dinner of the year. Alexander gave his Instagram profile and as predicted no one could find his name. Then, he asked for another person to help him, then another and… nothing. In a couple of minutes there was already a crowd around him giving him bad looks, whispering he was trying to crash the party and recording the scene to feed their
stories and their envy.
Brian - pretending to act naturally - showed up holding a clipboard with a staff list asking if he was part of the catering company since he was wearing a black shirt. Alexander smiled back with sarcasm saying: “Come on, dude! You invited me for this shit, this is ridiculous.”
Oh, Alexander, right? You look so different in person, unrecognizable I would say. Anyways, our PR analyzed all the profiles and they removed from the list those who supposedly buy followers. The reason for this party is to bring together all the real influencers. My apologies, I know this is quite embarrassing. Also you should be wearing one of the Glam pieces, so unfortunately I can’t let you…
Before Brian completed the sentence many photographers were coming closer and one journalist stepped ahead: “Hi Alexander, could you tell us a little bit about this cause you have been supporting?”
You could feel his shock from the expression on Brian’s face. At that moment, Harry appeared behind him, pulling his arm and asking for a word:
Really? He is supporting the HIV program? Fucking bitch plays dirty. We are powerless now, we can’t prevent him from getting into the party. It could destroy the image of my business. Thanks to you, he became the biggest attraction of the night. Someone probably told him about the clothes so he showed up with a better plan.
Nice try, but don’t worry, Harry. I got this. Let’s go to the second part of the plan: G.
Seriously? G in his drink? You are so original! I’m out though. Just promise me you are not going to ruin the night. This is my brand’s reputation and my parents will be here soon.
From the moment Alexander The Great came to the party with that shirt he has declared war, and since Harry stepped out of the battle, the king of the Upper East Side would fight by himself. But Brian still had the advantage--those were his friends, that was his environment, his territory, his land…
… therefore he bribed one of the servers to mess with Alex’s dinner. Starting with his seat at the table, all the silverware was in the wrong order (the new rich don’t know etiquette), so he would be lost and ashamed. Uncomfortable situations are the best tactic if you want to destroy someone’s popularity. Secondly, the food would be exaggeratedly spicy making him return the plate (how dare a Soho guy complain about Jean George?). In addition his soft drinks would be served with two doses of Ghb, enough for him to be super horny and make a scene. The last part of the plan was even more outrageous: once he would be high Brian would seduce him discreetly until Alexander would come closer then he would push him away - reject him right in front of the photographers - in front of everyone.
Unfortunately the plan again backfired.
Five minutes at the round large table was enough for Alex to steal the scene. All the guests were enjoying his company and laughing at his jokes, including Harry. Brian was getting a deep rage burning inside but he needed to act nice in order to move forward with his scheme. Occasionally he was kicking Harry’s feet under the table to make him stop laughing like a hyena trying to get attention.
Alexander definitely had charisma, among other qualities. The person next to him noticed his silverware was inverted and assisted him right away; when the spicy food came out and he was about to eat Rose Moore, Harry’s mother, popped up with a fake rich people’s smile greeting: “What a delightful table. Thank you so much for coming. All of you look fabulous and charming wearing the Glam’s new collection. Don’t forget to post, tag and hashtag. Well, I’m gonna save my voice for the speech later, my throat is dried. What is this? Sorry, can I steal your drink?”
Mom no! Screamed, Harry.
She took Alexander’s glass from the table and drunk everything in one sip:
What darling?
To be continued
Written by: Bruno de Abreu Rangel
brunorangelbrazil@gmail.com
Edited by: Daniel Franken
franken.daniel@gmail.com
