THE KING OF UPPER EAST SIDE - part II

 Coming soon

Photo by @cameronmoir

THE KING OF UPPER EAST SIDE

                                                           Gif by: @jakobdahlin

This is a fact! If you go to any fabulou$ restaurant in the Upper East Side and complain about anything - I mean A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G, they will probably give you the attention you deserve. But if your intention is to take advantage, you have got to play the Upper East Side games: "Excuse me! I told you my fish is salty and you act like I'm lying? Now I'm offended. Just give me the check. I'm leaving. I have never been treated so badly in my entire life!"

The "I'm offended" passive aggressive drama always works...

...And believe me, in 99% of the time they will give you thousands of apologies and you won't pay a single dime for the whole check. Not to mention you will leave the place with a business card and an invitation from the general manager to come back for free drinks because they fear a bad Yelp review. They know a statement from a "VIP" guest can decimate their business and put uncountable jobs in risk.  Word-of-mouth and reputation are worth their weight in gold in New York City. That's how rich people feed their ego - and their pockets.

This is Brian's story. He is the “king” of the Upper East Side, but he is also a schemer who either plays the victim himself or piggy-backs off others.

                                                             *****************

Rich hot guys run the Upper East Side (or at least the gay part of it). Immersed in an “Insta-grammed” world, these moneyed, muscle Maries  spend half of their time going to the gym, shopping on 5th Ave., gossiping about others and posting pictures/videos in their daily attempt at viral fame.

Trendy Brian has been trending for the past two years. With over 1 million followers he can dictate fashion trends. He decides which are the best restaurants, the best destinations for travel, the new must-see partes… the rest of the world just watches, learns and follows his tips if they can. But in the typical “mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all” style, a new guy from Soho with a profile name @alexanderthegreat has just surpassed his number of followers, and it seems like Brian’s kingdom was about to fall apart. So, he decided to call his bff, Harry.

- Have you seen his profile?

- What? 1.1 M? How come? Well, let’s face it--Alexander looks really ‘Great’ in this picture and what a body… What has he been taking?

- I can’t believe you’re saying this...focus! You are not being helpful.

- Why you are so obsessed about Alex? There are other guys in New York City with a million followers. 

- It’s different, you can’t compare. The other guys are just shitty people with thirsty pictures, not to mention escorts. Alex is the new rich and he is taking the lead now. And, before you forget we are in the same boat, we are the old money.  I need you to use your magical connections to fix this. I have a plan.

- Last time you came to me with one of your plans, you put me in a bad situation.

- What you mean by ‘bad situation’ is that bitch you were seeing was interested in your money. I saved your ass... you’re welcome.

- Fine. My driver or yours? OK, so I’ll have Amir pick you up in an hour. Let’s have a drink at that cool place they opened on Lexington so you can also take some pictures and post.


After rounds and rounds of Manhattans, they decided to invite all Menhattans from the Upper East Side to a dinner party at Jean George to launch the new collection from GlamMoore:

Brian, all set. I already sent all the invitations with a package on the side. All guests will be wearing our clothes - except for Alexander and his name won’t be on the list either. So, make sure you will have the press outside to register everything. It will be a blast!

I sent a text to Robert from Page Six and also to Jimmy, the PR from the Kardashians.

                                                           2 WEEKS LATER

The best restaurant in the Big Apple was impeccably tidy and ready to receive the crème de la crème. The Chef prepared a special menu for the occasion and the service would be provided by a team of 4 people for each guest (most of them gay influencers: stylists, actors, singers, professional models, bloggers, writers), all of them submissive to the power of the king... Brian.

At seven o’clock sharp there was a noticeable line of cars dropping people off on the red carpet in front of the Mark Hotel. One by one the guests entered with their impressive GlamMoore outfit and headed to the left side where there was open bar service before the most expected dinner of the year. Alexander gave his Instagram profile and as predicted no one could find his name. Then, he asked for another person to help him, then another and… nothing. In a couple of minutes there was already a crowd around him giving him bad looks, whispering he was trying to crash the party and recording the scene to feed their
stories and their envy.

Brian - pretending to act naturally - showed up holding a clipboard with a staff list asking if he was part of the catering company since he was wearing a black shirt. Alexander smiled back with sarcasm saying: “Come on, dude! You invited me for this shit, this is ridiculous.”

Oh, Alexander, right? You look so different in person, unrecognizable I would say. Anyways, our PR analyzed all the profiles and they removed from the list those who supposedly buy followers. The reason for this party is to bring together all the real influencers. My apologies, I know this is quite embarrassing. Also you should be wearing one of the Glam pieces, so unfortunately I can’t let you…

Before Brian completed the sentence many photographers were coming closer and one journalist stepped ahead: “Hi Alexander, could you tell us a little bit about this cause you have been supporting?”

You could feel his shock from the expression on Brian’s face. At that moment, Harry appeared behind him, pulling his arm and asking for a word:

 Really? He is supporting the HIV program? Fucking bitch plays dirty. We are powerless now, we can’t prevent him from getting into the party. It could destroy the image of my business. Thanks to you, he became the biggest attraction of the night. Someone probably told him about the clothes so he showed up with a better plan.

Nice try, but don’t worry, Harry. I got this. Let’s go to the second part of the plan: G.

Seriously? G in his drink? You are so original! I’m out though. Just promise me you are not going to ruin the night. This is my brand’s reputation and my parents will be here soon.

From the moment Alexander The Great came to the party with that shirt he has declared war, and since Harry stepped out of the battle, the king of the Upper East Side would fight by himself. But Brian still had the advantage--those were his friends, that was his environment, his territory, his land…

… therefore he bribed one of the servers to mess with Alex’s dinner. Starting with his seat at the table, all the silverware was in the wrong order (the new rich don’t know etiquette), so he would be lost and ashamed. Uncomfortable situations are the best tactic if you want to destroy someone’s popularity. Secondly, the food would be exaggeratedly spicy making him return the plate (how dare a Soho guy complain about Jean George?). In addition his soft drinks would be served with two doses of Ghb, enough for him to be super horny and make a scene. The last part of the plan was even more outrageous: once he would be high Brian would seduce him discreetly until Alexander would come closer then he would push him away - reject him right in front of the photographers - in front of everyone.

Unfortunately the plan again backfired.

Five minutes at the round large table was enough for Alex to steal the scene. All the guests were enjoying his company and laughing at his jokes, including Harry. Brian was getting a deep rage burning inside but he needed to act nice in order to move forward with his scheme. Occasionally he was kicking Harry’s feet under the table to make him stop laughing like a hyena trying to get attention.

Alexander definitely had charisma, among other qualities. The person next to him noticed his silverware was inverted and assisted him right away; when the spicy food came out and he was about to eat Rose Moore, Harry’s mother, popped up with a fake rich people’s smile greeting: “What a delightful table. Thank you so much for coming. All of you look fabulous and charming wearing the Glam’s new collection. Don’t forget to post, tag and hashtag. Well, I’m gonna save my voice for the speech later, my throat is dried. What is this? Sorry, can I steal your drink?”

Mom no! Screamed, Harry.

She took Alexander’s glass from the table and drunk everything in one sip:

What darling?

To be continued 

Written by: Bruno de Abreu Rangel

brunorangelbrazil@gmail.com

Edited by: Daniel Franken

franken.daniel@gmail.com

Gays: pra que lado seguir? Direita ou esquerda?

     

        Um dos principais motivos pelos quais eu "abandonei" o Facebook é porque só havia discurso de ódio por toda a parte: o mundo on line é terra de ninguém. Infelizmente esse comportamento está migrando para o Instagram: as pessoas querem destruir e aniquilar o outro só por pensar diferente...

          ...E enquanto as pessoas se estapeiam, os engravatados de Brasília, sejam de qual for o partido, fazem rios de dinheiro só pra trocar papel de gaveta. E para que o rombo seja ainda maior eles utilizam uma prática bem antiga e do tempo das pedras: dividir pra manipular:

* Gays denunciando gays (saudades da época em que todos estávamos unidos lutando pela mesma causa);

* Gays criando um muro onde dividem direita e esquerda; Cloroquina ou vacina; Zona Sul ou Zona Norte; anabolizados ou naturais; música eletrônica ou música pop; os que tomam Gi (GHb) ou os que são julgados caretas porque não seguem o manual do "sou o descolado super sexy da buatchy".

         Mas quando o assunto é sexo e drogas a carne é fraca. A testosterona ainda é mais forte do que a bandeira verde e amarela - ou vermelha. É onde a gente prova do próprio veneno e tropeça na própria personalidade. A hipocrisia ainda é o maior vírus da comunidade arco-íris. Um espirro gera uma pneumonia na alma.

         Política e religião são questões sensíveis e sagradas, são valores que a gente recebe desde pequenininho, experiências que se acumulam ao longo do tempo. Tudo o que a gente vivenciou é o nosso bem mais valioso, é quem somos na íntegra. Você impor a sua forma de pensar é, no mínimo, incoveniente, deselegante e contrangedor (pra si mesmo). N-U-N-CA presenciei casos de pessoas mudarem de ideologias políticas, salvo casos onde elas se beneficiaram diretamente deixando pra trás o senso de comunidade.

     Hoje vi uma amizade de quase 15 anos escorrer pelo ralo porque o que tínhamos em comum não era sólido o suficiente para sustentar a base. 'Ah, mas se isso aconteceu é porque a amizade não era verdadeira'. Não, éramos como alma gêmea, deu certo, mas acabou porque tudo tem um ciclo e as pessoas amadurecem, crescem seguindo caminhos diferentes -- e não há nada de errado nisso.

     Lamentávelmente algumas pessoas perdem o senso e usam a militância como escudo para as próprias frustrações pessoais. O mais comum é presenciar pessoas com atitudes racistas usar o que está acontecendo nos Estados Unidos para reforçar a bandeira política nas redes sociais. Chega a dar um embrulho no estômago. O fato de você sair com negros em aplicativos de pegação não o torna numa pessoa que luta pelos direitos iguais para todas as raças. O que vem acontecendo com os negros nos últimos séculos é uma questão que precisa ser solucionada pra ontem, você usar o seu partido político pra propagar uma mensagem que nem você acredita lhe torna no mínimo num criminoso de máscaras.

      Sou daqueles que prefere evitar confrontos porque o amadurecimento nos ensina que numa briga entre amigos os dois lados perdem. Prefiro canalizar essa energia para situações que promovem o meu bem estar e daqueles que estão ao meu redor. Existe uma ferramenta "silenciar" no Instagram em que você se protege de posts agressivos, de "verdades" prontas, de mensagens doutrinadas onde o único intuito é ferir o coleguinha para se sentirem maior. Não está de acordo? Silencie, não disperse a sua energia.

        E a pergunta que não quer calar: direita ou esquerda?

       Simples. Quem é você na vida real fora do mundo dos likes? Qual o seu legado? O que você faz para melhorar a vida da sua familia, dos seus amigos, da sua comunidade? Tudo o que vai além disso guarde pra você. Seus ideiais é um segredo seu. Deixe-o na urna e se for pra levantar qualquer bandeira, siga em frente, mas não saia de casa sem identidade, educação e respeito. Presidentes vem e vão, a revolução é pessoal, começa de dentro pra fora.

P.S: não sou de direita nem esquerda e não estou a procura de um partido político.

Obrigado 

De nada

                                                   Bruno de Abreu Rangel

Corona virus

The panic is way bigger than the pandemic and do you know why? Because we are forced to step back from our untouched lives and face the silence, the collective loneliness, to deal with our own emotions. We have been to the Moon but never been to ourselves. This is the moment, the big opportunity to start over, rethink, rebirth, to show how strong we are. Much love for all of us.

                                   

                                                        *****************

O pânico é muito maior do que a pandemia e você sabe por quê? Porque somos forçados a recuar de nossas vidas intocadas e enfrentar o silêncio, a solidão coletiva, para lidar com nossa própria companhia. Estivemos na Lua, mas nunca fomos a nós mesmos. Este é o momento, a grande oportunidade de recomeçar, repensar, renascer, mostrar o quão forte somos. Muito amor pra todos nós.

#writersofinstagram #mood #positivity #positivevibes #b.a.r

Bruno de Abreu Rangel

Karma is a bitch!

Everyone is struggling with something in life; everyone has a battle to fight or a dramatic experience to share. Everyone is trying to survive, to grow up, to be loved. Some people are naturally stronger than others, and even if we face the exact same situation, we would react differently because each one of us offers an individual story.

In this society pre-set for winners, it is very common that we act like super heroes when everything is alright. We don't pay too much attention to those around us, we keep distance from people's problems and we move forward with our lives in a way like: "this is not gonna happen to me". We make plans, set goals, we prepare our minds for the big events, and in the blink of an eye, we watch our dreams fall apart. We lose our jobs unexpectedly, our love life gets off track, and we end up trapped in situations that change the game. Sometimes we fall, like in musical chairs; random health problems show up stealing our sleep: "what if this is really serious?"

Would that be karma?

Every time we - intentionally - do something good or bad to someone, we are sending a message to the Universe: cause and effect. Nobody leaves this world without payback. 

This article is based on true facts. All names and locations were changed in order to preserve their identity.

                                       ************************************

This is how I met A. We both sat next to each other at the arrivals hall in the airport and apparently someone forgot to pick him up. On the phone he was smiling and joking: "that's fine, not a big deal. I'm sure you were super busy with guys on Grindr and you ended up forgetting about me haha, I'll get an Uber". After he hung up the phone his expression changed completely. He was staring at nothing and then he started to cry.

I was feeling bad for him so I offered a napkin from my sandwich. Who never felt so small when not treated equally or responsibly? He was still in tears for a couple of minutes when I voluntarily asked a stupid question: "Do you think you gonna need more napkins?"

He looked back at me like he was going to kill me... and we started to laugh out loud. 

A was thirty-something years old, 5'8", a little chubby, cute face, with beautiful and expressive blue eyes. He was holding an anatomy book from Columbia University. Five minutes of conversations and we were like best friends - so many things in common (including the fact that we were neighbors). 

On our way home he was opening his heart explaining the toxic relationship he was dealing with the past months. A was completely lost for this guy that I prefer to call J -- "J" for jackass. I couldn't get the real scenario until he pulled out his phone and showed me J's Instagram. I was in shock.

J was very basic, that type of muscle guy, surrounded by social climbing friends, those people who always look for convenient relationships, Insta-cross media: "let's tag each other and we're all gonna get more followers". One of those guys with self-esteem problems who needs to be accepted by a group, go to nice restaurants and post "incredible" pictures with fake smiles trying to tell the world how handsome, fancy and rich they are when in fact there is not much going on. They eat, go home and go on line, because they are not satiated enough. They do whatever they can to keep themselves busy because they fear silence, their own company.

The situation was very clear. A was treating J as a priority and J was treating A as plan B or just another contact from his list with uncountable fuck buddies. For some reason the muscle guy was manipulating the whole situation on his side sending mixed signals, making A believe they were moving toward a relationship - that would never happen. It is hard but we need to understand when is time to walk away, give to people the same importance they give to us: that's the secret.

Once, A and I decided to work out together and coincidentally J was at the gym with his friends. A's eyes were shining and he could barely breath when he saw his almost "boyfriend" lifting weights:

__ Hey, so nice to see you here, what a coincidence!

__ Sorry, who are you?

Yes, J pretended they didn't know each other. A understood the message and decided to step back in an apologetic way: 

__ I'm so sorry. You look like someone... never mind, I was wrong. Have a nice day.

When A was leaving he could also hear J's friends gossiping:

__ Who is that guy?

__ Nobody, some queen asking how to use the machine.

__ How dare he? Oh my God! Did you see his body? He would need to run around Central Park a thousand times to lose that belly. Hahaha!

__ He's so 4.5. He will never be a 10. 

__ Bitch, please! You are being nice with a 4.5.

Whatever position we are today, we need to be kind to people. Remember this is all temporary. The moment is our maker. Today we are on top of the game... tomorrow things could be very different.

I was out of my mind when A came and told me what had happened. I was feeling a deep anger burning inside me and I was trying to calm down and avoid a scene. A was totally wrecked, emotionally in pieces. It's not easy to be rejected in broad day light in front of everyone having your self-respect and self-appreciation wiped out. Some people can take years of a lifetime to recover. A and J never saw each other again.

But karma is a bitch! Four years later, a guy stepped in into the ER vomiting and about to pass out. The diagnosis: liver cancer due to excessive steroids and drugs. In addition, the patient was HIV positive, and the medications were not an effective treatment anymore since his liver was so damaged. 

J was the patient.

A was the doctor.

A held J's hands and affirmed with conviction: __ You will be fine!

Beauty is power. Muscle is power until it wears away. We know how to take care of our bodies, but we are lost when it comes to our souls. Looks fade, but the defining moments of our lives we carry with us. Always. Time to practice kindness and compassion. Time to understand "what goes around comes around". It's cliche, nevertheless, it's the law of the Universe.

Written by: Bruno de Abreu Rangel

Edited by: Daniel Franken

5 types of boyfriends you should avoid in... NYC

Well, it's official. After all those judgments... I'm going to hell.

It is tragically comic, but it happens to most people who come to the city. They bite the "Big Apple", believing that an enchanted prince will show up saving their lives. Well, in the best case scenario, we will be lying on the floor forever and one our friends will pop up screaming: Wake up, bitch! Nobody is coming to rescue, this is New York!

Finding the perfect match in a place full of possibilities can be really tricky. We keep ourselves busy choosing too much while time goes by, and let's face it, nobody is getting younger. We certainly have no idea what we want from life, and that's ok, but we definitely need to have in mind what we don't want:

Engagement rings

Wedding rings

Suffering

(And either of the former undoubtedly leads to the latter).

In order to avoid the suffering and save your time, you better take a look at some of those bad experiences I collected from friends and yes... myself:

The High's Kitchen boy: he doesn't necessarily live in Hell's Kitchen, but I could not miss the joke, right? This is the most common type in the city. He is available 24/7, on "relationship apps" and he is intensely looking for love. What you should have in mind is that his perception of love doesn't last longer than the G effect, and if the ecstasy pill is too strong he may go on social media teaching people how to love someone in 30 days. It's hilarious! Also he doesn't move from his neighbor to see someone else, unless there are any drugs involved. If you wanna conquer his complex heart it's very simple: squeeze a lime in his mouth and give him a piece of chocolate. Once he is sober express your feelings right away, you may not have much time. 

Only for fans or only for love? this guy is so charming, sculpted body, he wears expensive brands from head to toe, he travels all over the globe every month always staying in fine hotels and spots published in Conde Nast Traveler, he attends all the circuit parties here and there (what a nice schedule!); always very generous, invites you for dinner in the most exquisite places and - he pays the bill - that's so amazing, right? Not to mention his thing is above average, way above let's say. Long story short: when you go to bed, he goes on line. Do I need to explain more? Done with judgment and back being a friend, this relationship can work out if you don't mind be the second option or... just a fan for fun. 

The Brooklyn hipster: food co-op, organic, vegan, reuse this and that, flex (not necessarily in bed). He is the typical type of Iphone socialist who fights about politics all the time with everyone. Think gay manbun-guy from the Burg. He really wants to change the world and help people since he doesn't need to be there: 'Hi, I would like to help the marvelous kids from the orphanage... What? I need to go in person? Can I just post a cute picture with some hashtags? I can't hear you, the connection is really bad, bye'.

The boy on Fire... Island: this category I would say is the sweetest one. This is the G-U-Y, full of good intentions, most likely traditional, the real husband. He talks looking into your eyes touching your hands slowly, cuddles like no one does; he makes clear he wants you forever until... summer time, yayyy!!! Forget it, some days before the "almost naked" season he will change his mind drastically and suddenly all his bff's will show up from nothing, inviting him for brunches, beach parties, parties with bitches, then you know... he will give you the "I'm not ready for a relationship" crap. Oh, before I forget don't get too surprised if he hits you back some gays later: hey, stranger long time no see.

The 1 BK bad influencer: this guy wants to go viral everyday - he needs to! His drill is basically the basics: look pretty, post pictures and get **cked. He is obsessed about likes per second and if you are not at least close to 1 Million K, you are nobody. You will be abso-fucking-lutely ignored! Digital influencers, personal bloggers, fitness models, ass exposers believing they are radically changing the world and influencing generations with their horny pictures until they realize they are just a piece of this game where everyone pretends they are loved by numbers of likes. In this Insta-grammed world with instant relationships that start so fast and don't last longer than a Cup of Noodles, there is a lot of insecurity, loneliness and misconnection. People want to be seen, objectified and gossiped about. They are seeking for love but they are not ready to be real, they fear going back and being anonymous. 

The Broadway's almost celebrity: there are two types of celebrities in this world, the legends and those who believe they are famous. The difference between one to another is the audience, the consistency and what they bring to the table: their legacy. Star boys tend to be delusional, give them a little chance and they will treat the rest of the world like insignificant tickets: playing with people and acting with words. For this reason some relationships doesn't go too far, the "almost famous Broadway guy" creates a character where he is a catch and nobody is enough. As Time Square goes by he finds himself stuck with a decorated script, without allowing himself to improvise, to try new roles and that's how the spectacle ends. 

It's more important that we love ourselves instead of keeping red flags in our lives. Period. On the other hand, we need to pay attention to avoid creating walls that make us unable to see someone behind their labels. In the end we are just human beings struggling by ourselves, trying to be appreciated, to have real connections and to find that comfort that bring us peace.

Written by: Bruno de Abreu Rangel  brunorangelbrazil@gmail.com

Edited by: Daniel Franken  franken.daniel@gmail.com

Valentine's Day

Have you ever experienced true love?

I'm not sharing any breaking news here. We all know that Valentine's Day is a time for romance, the perfect period to surprise or to be surprised; the opportunity to show where our heart stands, to hear the sound of the "L" word whispering in our ears first thing in the morning; to start a new relationship or maybe to realize it's time to leave: "Hey, we need to talk". 

This is also the moment when society brings on the pressure: "Are you single? Why? You are so handsome..." It's the same when we look for a job being unemployed; they think we may have a problem. Unfortunately people - especially in the gay scene - attach love to being attractive or successful and that's a miserable way to define a relationship. Look around you, how many people are really experiencing genuine true love?

(silence in the room)

Jokes aside, the world is definitely a scary place to face it alone, and it is awful to think that some people will drastically live their entire lives without true love. Others will get a taste of it and eventually have their hearts broken. A very small percentage will have the opportunity to find their soul mates, kindred spirits or whatever you wanna call it. I know, sounds unfair, but that's how things are.

We are in 2020 close to 8 billion people glued to their phones swiping, texting, exchanging likes, posting, showing off, trying to get attention at any cost; we do have the tools to put all the pieces of the puzzle together, so why is it so hard to find the Mr. Right?

The main reason is because nowadays we are all connected, but emotionally - off line. Many of us still believe in this fairy tale that one day someone will show up changing our lives and we'll be happy forever. It is easier to think that way instead of moving our asses and making ordinary kisses become extraordinary stories. We want that Cirque du Soleil sex, full of impressive positions. We want flowers everyday. We want to keep our freedom while also having someone available when we fall apart. We want everything we can't be. Not even Saint Valentine could make this happen. 

On the other hand, there are those who jump from one relationship to another because they fear loneliness or there is a convenient way to make life ea$ier. People who believe that their comfort zone will bring some peace eventually face a backfired love, a fake relationship that put them in a restaurant full of people right on Valentine's Day, when in fact they are empty inside, full of unhappiness: stuck in an okay relationship, imprisoned in an okay life because okay is a "safe place".

Love takes courage, sacrifice. Love should be obvious (look at someone's eyes when they are talking, never fails); we can be ourselves (from our sweet to our dark sides). Love is when we see someone approaching in the arrivals hall at the airport: "He is back". Love is when we scroll through some pictures on our phones from that unforgettable trip and if we could write a caption it would be: "How happy I am next to you". If you have one of those feelings go ahead, love, make love... and love!

Written by: Bruno de Abreu Rangel
 brunorangelbrazil@gmail.com

Edited by: Daniel Franken
  franken.daniel@gmail.com