The Hell's Kitchen bitch

 

 They say Hell's Kitchen is the gay community’s sanctuary. It is a neighborhood where everyone supports each other, a safe place that has a true feeling of home. It is kind of a refuge from the strict straight world: you can be yourself, you can be whatever you want, there is no judgment at all. Is it true?

The real fact is that guys from all over America and all four corners of the world come to HK to live their best lives. To find a New Yorker born and raised in the area is practically impossible. Hell's Kitcheners are cosmopolitans: their passports have stamps from everywhere. They are bon vivants: they know how to enjoy the life; they usually have their own style, wear expensive labels; entertain themselves with the best performances of Broadway shows in walking distance; have access to all types of restaurants (from the trashiest to the best) and they hang out with friends in the most exquisite bars where they have instagrammable nights. Hell's Kitcheners are mostly artists and they inspire the world, but there are some exceptions. Not everyone understands the rules of the house - some guys belong to the kitchen, some guys belong to hell.

This is Jogdan story`s. He is a Hell's Kitchener and he is also a  bitch!

Jogdan is a European guy raised in a small town by a low-income family. His childhood with limited resources brought a lot of unresolved situations in his mind. Being poor was something he could not handle - indeed. In addition, he could not express himself to his traditional/ religious family. So, coming out of the closet was another huge issue, not to mention he was never at peace with his reflection in the mirror: he has never been a popular boy. Year by year Jogdan was starting to hate rich people, his life and himself, so he decided to start a new journey, with new perspectives, new opportunities - in New York.

His first years in the city that never sleeps were a nightmare: many bad experiences; bosses who exploited his visa situations; lots of guys who caused dramas and spewed lies; many episodes with roommates who became crack addicts. He was all by himself, he needed to be on top of the game. So he started to play the game, to play with people, make everyone feel the same unhappiness he felt.

At the age of 29, he finally moved to Hell’s Kitchen. By that time, he was already working for a world-wide fashion brand, he could afford his trips all over the globe, he attended the biggest circuit parties surrounded by social-climber friends like him, he tried all types of drugs and he played the lottery of unprotected sex. It seems like he got everything he ever wanted, except happiness. Something was still missing.

One day, far away from the Big Apple, a Texan boy named Caleb crossed his way at Burning Man. After burning their bodies in ecstasy pills they decided to tell each other how that magic moment feels. Long story short: Jogdan insisted that Caleb move to his place in Hell’s Kitchen to start a life together - happily ever after.

Suicide mission. We all know very well that bed bath & beyond relationships that start out by skipping several stages tend to fail: their fairy tale lasted not even two months until Caleb was literally about to feel the heat of Hell. Instead of sitting down and having a mature talk about their next move what did Jogdan do? He started the manipulation games, testing the guy all the time and searching for the answers for his rejection rather than understanding that when someone decides to leave our lives there is nothing we can do. Actually, if we wanna know the real version of someone... wait until the relationship ends. The mask falls, there is no more acting. And what happens when a bitch gets hurt?

R-E-V-E-N-G-E

Carrie Fisher once said: “resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Looks like Jogdan got intoxicated and went out of control. First, he started attacking Caleb’s self esteem (bitches know how to read people’s weaknesses!). Then he threatened to throw the boy out of his place, even packing his bags and leaving them outside the door. He called Caleb’s parents inventing some story that he was taking heavy drugs; spread some gossip around the city about his HIV status; invaded his privacy and finally got his checkmate: some messages exchanged with Bruce - a circuit party guy from Chelsea.  

The HK bitch now had the perfect scheme to destroy any possibility of Caleb’s new love. How was the plan? Quite predictable, the same drill all  the bitches do: stalk the guy, like all his “almost naked pictures”, leave a private message, pretend they have something in common, exchange phones, and try hard to have sex:

_ Hi Bruce, this is Jogdan I just got two tickets for this amazing party next Saturday night so I was wondering if that could be a good opportunity for us to hang out and get to know each other better.

The Chelsea guy took the bait and did exactly what was expected. After uncountable doses of the amazing G water he became horny as hell and the devil decided to take him back to Hell’s Kitchen. Jogdan got their jackets at the coat check and as predicted Bruce’s phone was in one of the pockets - - unlocked. The trick succeeded, it turned out better than great and that night New York was about to see two shows for the price of one.

Already in bed, when Bruce was almost crashing, Jogdan took his clothes off and started to take advantage of the situation sending sex snapchats to Caleb and to everyone they have in common on social media. Once those shocking porn scenes were done, he asked another random guy  (totally creepy and disgusting) he found on an app to come in and then the biggest show was being recorded live from Bruce’s phone.

After that horrible incident the circuit party guy was definitely out of circuit, out of Caleb’s life. They never talked to each other again.

So the Hell’s kitchen bitch won, just like that? That time yes, unfortunately. However, six months later Jogdan met the love of his life, Kevin, an extremely handsome guy from Hollywood and among other things one of the biggest bitches of America, he would have won many Oscars for that category.

What Kevin learned best from show business is that who acts better always wins. So he invited Jogdan to move to Los Angeles promising he could use his fashion skills, that they would be the most interesting couple (next level relationship) , make a lot of money...in short, that they would dominate the world together. Jogdan did not hesitate, he quit his job and decided to start fresh living the new life he thought he deserved.

Turns out the HK bitch ended up  in LA with no job, living in the backstage of Kevin’s life. Do I need to say what happens next? Karma. Whatever we do in this life, the universe will find a way to give us the payback.

Watch out kids, better hide the knives from the kitchen, looks like the devil will be kicked out from the red carpet and sent back to hell.

Bruno de Abreu Rangel

brunorangelbrazil@gmail.com

"The author thanks Daniel Franken for his assistance editing."